Tag Archives: Journey of self-discovery


When I initially had this experience during a ‘guided’ meditation earlier this week, I was not going to share it, but now I feel that maybe I should.

I cast a circle with the intention of connecting to Source – that was all. I didn’t have any other intentions except that I wanted to connect with The Infinite Creative Source that sustains all life.

I went about preparing the sacred space by laying out my instruments (Wand/ Patchouli incense in the East quadrant (Air); Athame/green taper candle in the North quadrant (Fire); Chalice and cauldron in the West quadrant (Water); Copper Pentacle/vase with snowdrops in it in the South (Earth) and my dragon in the middle of the ‘circle’ to represent Spirit/Me.

I started the meditation by doing a powerful breathing exercise (breathe in for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, breathe out for 4 counts and hold for 4 counts) I did 32 repetitions of this breathing meditation until I was completely relaxed and focused.
I saw myself sitting under a tree – a huge/ancient tree with awesome, gnarly roots going down deep into the ground and majestic, strong branches going up high into the sky.

Roots 1

I was leaning/resting against the tree and then felt/imagined my own roots going down into the earth and tapping into the roots of the Tree – joining with them. I felt myself being absorbed into the tree and becoming One with it. I asked the tree who she is and she said that she is the Tree of Life. I looked out of the ‘eyes’ of the tree and saw that I was not alone. There were more trees (about 8 including me) and we were in a circle, holding hands and dancing. The dancing turned into a swirling, spiralling dance and we travelled through time and space.

dancing-trees 2

Artist Igor Zenin

When I opened my eyes, I saw that we (the 8 trees) were on a hill/mound and that the spiral, swirling smoke was now coming from a fire in the centre of the mound that we were encircling. The experience was incredibly erotic and sexually charged (?)
I was looking out of the tree and into the fire. I then stepped out of the tree and was dressed in a beautiful white tunic with a garland of white roses on my head. I felt as if I was embodying the Goddess and was wondering if this was Beltane or something – I wasn’t sure – just hugely aroused!? I was wondering if I would be joined by an ‘outside’ Divine Masculine in the form of Pan/Horned God and that we may join in the Heiros Gamos/Sacred Marriage during this meditation.

I waited a while, but it was just me, the other trees and the fire. The fire seemed to symbolise purity, cleansing, illumination and transformation. As I was pondering all of this the words ‘I am a Virgin and belong to no man’ came to me. I understand ‘virgin’ to mean complete and whole in oneself and not needing another to complete or fulfil or satisfy. I also realised that within me is the perfect balance of Sacred Feminine and Divine Masculine and that I didn’t need a ‘partner’ to act out the Sacred/Divine Union of the two as I was embodying them both within me anyway!

“Ancient moon priestesses were called virgins. ‘Virgin’ meant not married, not belonging to a man – a woman who was ‘one-in-herself’. The very word derives from a Latin root meaning strength, force, skill; and was later applied to men: virile. Ishtar, Diana, Astarte, Isis were all called virgin, which did not refer to sexual chastity, but sexual independence. And all great culture heroes of the past…, mythic or historic, were said to be born of virgin mothers: Marduk, Gilgamesh, Buddha, Osiris, Dionysus, Genghis Khan, Jesus – they were all affirmed as sons of the Great Mother, of the Original One, their worldly power deriving from her. When the Hebrews used the word, and in the original Aramaic, it meant ‘maiden’ or ‘young woman’, with no connotations to sexual chastity. But later Christian translators could not conceive of the ‘Virgin Mary’ as a woman of independent sexuality, needless to say; they distorted the meaning into sexually pure, chaste, never touched. When Joan of Arc, with her witch coven associations, was called La Pucelle – ‘the Maiden,’ ‘the Virgin’ – the word retained some of its original pagan sense of a strong and independent woman. The Moon Goddess was worshipped in orgiastic rites, being the divinity of matriarchal women free to take as many lovers as they choose. Women could ‘surrender’ themselves to the Goddess by making love to a stranger in her temple.”
Monica Sjoo and Barbara Mor, The Great Cosmic Mother – Rediscovering the Religion of the Earth


Mayday Goddess by Angie Lotham

After a while, I saw myself going back to the tree and becoming one with it again. I then retraced my steps until I was sitting back leaning against the tree where I had started the ‘guided’ meditation. I call this a guided meditation in the sense that I feel I was being guided/led by my intuition or connection to the Divine. It was spontaneous and unfolded as I went along, rather than planned.  The whole experience was erotic, empowering and orgasmic 😉

Peace, Love & Light





Have you ever had one of those experiences that changes your perspective / outlook on life for ever? Or experienced such a cataclysmic mind shift that your whole understanding changes overnight? Or how about encountering someone / something that catapults you into a new ‘dimension’? I’ve had a couple of these’ life altering’ experiences as I’ve journeyed along this path we call LIFE. Discovering / uncovering / waking up to the Divine Feminine within me almost six years ago was definitely a turning point and has been the most empowering, transformational and necessary journey that I’ve taken so far.

Isis caduceus 1

Recently (last Thursday, 17 July 2014 on a cold, wet and stormy winter’s evening) I had one of these cataclysmic, life changing experiences that has catapulted me into a new ‘dimension’! I went to a Sacred Winter Women’s Circle at Kali Widd where Amanda Gifford shared some of her vast knowledge with us about dragons and then gently led us into a meditative space where we could meet / encounter / awaken to our ‘own’ dragon essence / energy.

I have included what Kali wrote in her introduction to the evening:

“Amanda Gifford, Drama Therapist, trained in constellation work, is going to share her experience of when dragons, kundalini fires and goddesses started showing up in her life; of when the dragons turned at her base and how she’s learning to ride them; with time for us to share our own stories around sexuality, power, enlightenment, consciousness, energy, and the quantum physics within the great alchemical works of awakening…

Amanda will constellate the metaphors of dragons, fractals, fire energy, time spirals & teleportation into the matrix beyond the human mind.

Amanda says of dragons: ‘Dragons possess great mastery over fire and light. Dragons Awaken. Dragons Emerge. Dragons reveal: they are one of the most loving, gentle, and powerful species in the macroverse. Dragons are considered the way-showers, illuminating the path of most harmony and directing light energy toward that destination. They are what you might call essences with active light bodies. Power, or the ability to manage and direct energy, is accessible to those whose frequency has reached a point of harmonic evolutionary atonement. This is a fundamental principle within the peace realm. So with this beautiful and inspirational power comes the responsibility to direct energy only toward compatible resonant energy fields. Dragons are masters of wavelengths, so they can embody whatever reality or realm they wish to be in. Dragons are the keepers of treasures.’

Come surf the huge wave of transformation taking place on the planet; let us, as awakening goddesses, continue deepening into this unprecedented shift of consciousness.”

I am not sure what I was expecting from the evening to be honest, but am I ever grateful that I went! Apart from working with the Chakras and having a limited understanding and experience of Kundalini Energy, this was ALL NEW to me! Dragons! Really?! But I was definitely open to all the evening and Amanda had to offer!

Kundalini Energy
Kundalini Energy

I am going to skip to the part where I encountered my dragon and what I’ve experienced since then, but before I do, I want to mention that I had just come through an initiation of sorts of my own a week or so before this experience. I won’t go into the details of my ‘fiery’ initiation / encounter, but let me just say that in hindsight, it was definitely preparing the way for all that has happened since. Sometimes, when we encounter things in the earthly dimension, we are also aware that there is something happening in a higher dimension. I had to access my Sacred Feminine Power / Energy on a level never before experienced. I was up against a religious, patriarchal spirit of huge proportions and the only way to counteract it was to access my feminine power and intuition and trust the Goddess to guide me one step at a time. After my encounter with this religious, patriarchal spirit, the Universe sent the Goddess Brigit to strengthen and encourage me. Powerful, powerful stuff! Phew!

Brigid 3

Okay, so now I’m going to share my dragon awakening with you!

As I mentioned earlier, Amanda led us in a gentle meditation to help us access our ‘inner dragon’. She suggested we sit, stand, get comfy, get into whatever position that we feel works for us as she guided us in awakening our dragons.

Initially I remained sitting, but then I felt the need to stand with my feet slightly apart and I imagined myself as a ‘chalice’ open and receptive to whatever unfolded. I held my hands and arms open in a ‘V’ shape and silently said something along the lines of, “Here I am, open to whatever and however you want to reveal yourself to me”. At one stage Amanda asked us what our dragons were saying to us (I hadn’t actually seen my dragon at this stage, but could sense an energy or presence with me that wasn’t there before). My breathing changed quite dramatically and I had the sense that I was ‘bearing down’ or ‘birthing’ something. It certainly sounded as if I was in labour and I could feel the Kundalini energy moving from my womb / base chakra to my voice / throat chakra! I was reminded of how many women are claiming back their birthing experience and consulting midwives and doulas to assist them. I sensed that this is not only happening in the earthly dimension, but also in the spiritual dimension. I felt as if the ‘energy’ was showing me that it is calling me to be a ‘spiritual midwife’ and that I needed to use my ‘voice’ (be an oracle) to assist women as they awaken to and birth the Divine Feminine within themselves.


Amanda asked us to visualise where we were standing, maybe in a forest or on a mountain or at the sea etc. I got a very clear picture of myself standing on the sea sand looking into the ocean when my dragon revealed itself to me! It was one of those huge Sea Serpent Dragons with shimmery silver-blue scales and beautiful wings near its head! It was radiating peace and love and I felt as if I’d known it forever! I asked the dragon what its name was and it said Leviathan! I thought, “Oh great like the big scary demonic sea monster that’s in the Bible!”, except this Leviathan didn’t seem scary or demonic! In fact, I don’t think I have ever felt such peace and love and acceptance like this before. Because the dragon was blue, I asked it if it was a boy or a girl dragon. She told me she was a girl dragon. She had the most awesome eyes, so beautiful, gentle and kind and innocent!


I climbed onto the dragon’s back and it took me to its cave under the sea – a huge under water womb! Inside the cave my dragon gathered me under her wing and held me close to her heart. I felt completely restored, protected, nurtured, loved, understood, and transformed! When Amanda told us that we could leave our dragons and come back, I knew that there was no way that I was going to be able to do that. I felt that if I left my dragon I would be completely bereft! She then said that we didn’t have to leave our dragons if we didn’t want to! I was so relieved that I started to cry!


That night (and every night since) I went to sleep curled up under my dragon’s wing and during the day my dragon has been curled up in my womb!! The best way to describe it is like a ‘spiral’ my dragon in me and me in my dragon – we are One!! I love that I can carry this huge Leviathan Sea Serpent Dragon in my womb and at the same time be completely enfolded and held in her awesome power and energy.

Of course, the first thing I did after encountering my dragon was look up the meaning of Leviathan. One of the things that stood out for me was that ‘God’ originally created a male and female Leviathan. The female Leviathan was killed under what we now know as the spirit of patriarchy that is responsible for killing and destroying many of the mythological goddesses and replacing them with gods.

“When the Jewish midrash (explanations of the Tanakh) were being composed, it was held that God originally produced a male and a female leviathan, but lest in multiplying the species should destroy the world, he slew the female, reserving her flesh for the banquet that will be given to the righteous on the advent of the Messiah (B. B. 74b)” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leviathan


I believe that the sacred feminine element of the Leviathan revealed itself to me in order to be restored to its rightful place. It is not a biblical demonic monster as it has been made out to be. She is a powerful feminine force that is transformative, restorative, protective and peace loving and full of unbelievable Light and treasure for those who discover her. She is the equivalent of the Tiamat in Sumerian/Babylonian mythology – ‘Sea serpents feature prominently in the mythology of the Ancient Near East, attested as early as the 3rd millennium BCE in Sumerian iconography depicting the myth of the god Ninurta overcoming the seven-headed serpent. Examples of the storm god vs. sea serpent trope in the Ancient Near East can be seen with Baʿal vs. Yam (Canaanite), Marduk vs. Tiamat (Babylonian), and Atum vs. Nehebkau (Egyptian) among others, with attestations as early as the 2nd millennium as seen on Syrian seals.’

Amanda shared a brilliant link with us on dragon energy that I thought I would include here:


‘Whales and Dragons are from a matrix beyond human thinking.

Yet, when we intuitively feel from the heart… here they are; the Gate Keepers of our next journeys.

These Masters of Peace and Light will show us how to direct Energy for Creation.’

Dragons are Light Masters

When the Dragons appear, do not expect to see reptilian, fire-breathing monsters. Their origins are ancient, having emerged from primordial water and fire straight from the womb of existence…….

Dragons are the true Light Masters for they can direct and amplify the flow of light energy to the farthest reaches of All That Is. Watch carefully, for the great Light Masters will emerge from the water. The significance of this event cannot be overstated. It represents the re-union of Fire and Water, two substances that have lived in virtual separation for billions of years on Planet Earth. You will see the Dragon and you will know that the days of isolation and illusion are over and a new day is at hand.’



Ride with me Goddess

As I take you on a journey

To beyond

Ride with me Goddess

As I open up your understanding

To new dimensions

Ride with me Goddess

As I fill you with my Light energy

From your Base to Crown Chakra

Ride with me Goddess

Experience and express my

Restorative and transformative power

Ride with me Goddess

As we bring Light, Love and Peace

To the Earth

Ride with me Goddess

As we create a new reality





I often wonder why we get so ‘precious’ about our beliefs and why we feel a need to attack or correct others who have differing opinions to us? (p.s it was far more tempting to write this article using the terms ‘people’ and ‘them’ rather than including ‘we’ and ‘us’ into the equation – it would have been far easier to say something like, “I often wonder why ‘people’ get so ‘precious’ about ‘their’ beliefs and why ‘they’ feel a need to attack or correct others who have differing opinions to ‘them’ – THEN I REMEMBERED THAT I AM A ‘PEOPLE’ TOO).

opinion and beliefs quotes 2

I also wonder why we feel the need to back-up or support those with the same opinions as ours and form little (or big) groups around those with the same beliefs/opinions that we have?
Is it because we feel threatened or insecure if others have differing viewpoints to ours?

opinions and beliefs quotes 3

Is it because we don’t like to be ‘wrong’, so if someone has a differing opinion or belief to ours, we would rather see theirs as ‘wrong’ than ours as maybe being ‘wrong’?
Do we honestly believe that if we find enough people to agree with us or our point of view that it automatically makes us right and the ‘other’ even more wrong? The way certain people behave, you would think that that is the case 😉 In the greater scheme of things, does it really matter if you’re ‘wrong’?

opinions and beliefs quotes 1

Also, why do so many of us trust the opinion of others (Spiritual leaders, Gurus, ‘Authorities’, Governments, and Religious Groups etc.) over our own experience or gut instincts?


And why do so many of us get ugly and nasty toward people or groups with a different perspective to ours? I only have to watch a reality series on TV to see just how much EGO I have left in me. I can be so critical and judgemental of ‘others’.

Does it really make us feel better pulling someone else down? Does our opinion or belief matter so much that we’re willing to fight, bicker, argue or belittle someone else who has a different take on things or different perspective to ours? When I look at some of the ‘comments’ on Facebook pages or on on-line news etc., then I would say that this is the case. I can’t believe the verbal abuse that people put out there.

life tip

Who are we trying to protect? Are we that angry, confused or frustrated that what we are holding onto so tightly may not be the ‘whole’ truth or the ‘only’ truth? So what? Why do we feel the need to defend a person / group of people by attacking another person / group with an alternative viewpoint?


Guess what, you may even be ‘right’, you may have a very valid point to make, but if you go about it by being defensive, dismissive, or derogatory towards the ‘other’, then you are wasting your time.


I have left certain ‘groups’ from time to time because of differences in beliefs or opinions. The last time I left a group was because the leader of that group had a very different opinion on ‘Gay rights’ to mine. For me, that was a deal breaker. I am not homophobic and unfortunately, he is. I only found out after I had been following his teachings for a while. Once I discovered his beliefs on this matter, I felt like I had no choice but to leave. I didn’t try and tear him down, or correct him, or argue with him, or even point him out to others who were following him. I just chose to leave. Simple as that.

intuition 2

That being said; some, if not most of my greatest growing opportunities have been through being open to ideas, opinions and beliefs that are different to mine. Some of my most treasured friendships are with people who think and believe differently to me.

Sometimes we are in such a rut or comfort zone, that we find it easier to stay in a relationship, group or belief system because it’s easier or less scary than leaving, and so we hide behind trite sayings (“Eat the meat and spit out the bones” or “Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater” or “God is teaching me a lesson”) to justify sticking around. People are afraid of being shunned or being ostracized. They are afraid of the unknown and often stay in spiritually abusive organizations or emotionally abusive relationships for fear of being ‘wrong’ or going to hell! They are already in hell and don’t even know it.

intuition 3

I believe the balance lies in being able to listen to your own voice / Inner Guide / Intuition without the need to pull others down or convince them that you are right.

Follow your heart, do what you need to do, do what is right for you. Take responsibility for your decisions and your actions.


Do what ye will, but harm none (The Wiccan rede)


Treat others the way that you want to be treated


Do unto others as you would have them do unto you


Go and live your best life and let others do the same – even if their ‘best life’ is different to yours.
It is time to stop judging, condemning, criticizing, pulling others down or trying to control them. It is time to let go of your ego and accept that others opinions may be different to yours, but that doesn’t make them right or wrong necessarily – just different.
It is time to start respecting each others differences and being able to see the beauty and richness in them.


It is time to live a life that is Soul-Centered rather than ego-driven and realise that we are all on a journey – even if it sometimes looks and feels like others are going in a different direction altogether. So what, does it really matter? We all have lessons to learn along the way.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could celebrate our differences and motivate and encourage each other along our journey of life and self-discovery?

Love and Light





My Spirit is fiery and passionate,
It is sensual and energetic.

My Spirit thrives on learning and growing
In wisdom and knowledge.

My Spirit values connecting
To the elements,
And being grounded.

My Spirit delights in being
Intuitive and
Deeply connected to Source.

My Spirit loves being in
Relationship with
Family, friends and others.

My Spirit takes great pleasure
In inspiring, motivating and
Encouraging others.

Love & Light
Laurene ☆



Each element – Air, Fire, Water & Earth has an OUTWARD EXPRESSION & INWARD EXPRESSION.

The outward expression of an element is the visible, active expression of unseen, subtle elemental forces.

The inward expression is the non-visible, receptive, internal process and manifestation of the element’s subtle forces.



Air – Outward Expression = power to know.

Knowing represents the acquisition of rational understanding of the world around us. The areas of knowledge, communication, education, learning, thinking, and speaking are all ruled by air.

Imbalance = we may appear flighty, talkative, overly analytical, hyper cognitive, exclusively rational, and only able to experience the world through mental understanding.

Air – Inward Expression = power to wonder.

Wondering has to do with the relinquishment of knowledge. Wondering is about unlearning your life and your relationships to everything and everyone. Wondering is experiencing the wisdom that emerges when you release opinions and judgments about life. What is there to know?

Life is fluid and movable. Fixing your opinion, knowing a fact, and then sticking to that knowledge only creates rigidity and powerlessness. The power to wonder allows you to discover truth as it reveals itself in each moment without resorting to fixing perceptions, cognitive understanding, or mental anticipation. It’s learning to tap into your intuition, your 6th sense, your ‘gut’ feeling about something.

Imbalance = we may appear inattentive, spacey, sleepy, easily distracted, dense and a bit ‘doff’ or dull-witted.




Fire – Outward expression = the power to will.

“Willing” means actualizing one’s personal desire. The active expression of fire centers on movement, action, passion, directness, attentiveness, strength, and assertion.

Imbalance = we may appear hostile, angry, rageful, aggressive, destructive, hyper sexual, nervous, over-assertive, impatient, demanding, back biting, competitive, or vengeful, and may result in only being able to relate to the world through action and achievement.

Fire – Inward Expression = the power to surrender.

Surrendering is about aligning your personal will with the universal or the divine will. It is an attitude of not striving: it is about not insisting on the energies of your life flowing in some preconceived way. When you surrender, you live in harmony with the flow of life energy; you live in accord with whatever circumstance arises. Surrendering comes from a deep understanding that life energy does not need to flow in one way or another, since that energy is what you are already.

Surrendering is also about letting go. It may mean letting go of physical stress or tension, or letting go of emotional tension. It may mean releasing your grip, your insistence on getting your own way. It may mean leaving a job that pays well but makes you miserable. It may mean releasing your hold on a relationship that is no longer functional.

Imbalance = we may appear lazy, depressed, dependent, inactive, idle, indirect, and perhaps dangerously passive or unable to act.




Water – Outward expression = the power to dare.

In its active, outward expression water brings forth a power of fearlessness. Water does not recognize formal boundaries. The ocean does not distinguish one drop of water from the next, nor does it discriminate. It accepts all forms of water. Water’s power to dare encourages you to go beyond human constructed, socially accepted and institutionalized boundaries. If you dare, then just as naturally as water, you glide across that artificial line drawn in the sand by culture, gender, ethnicity, family, or by any other arbitrarily assigned conventions.

The area of dreams, visions, empathy, compassion, understanding, cycles, and lunar mysteries are all ruled by water in this active expression.

Imbalance = we may appear weepy, sad, depressed, fixed on the past, brooding, secretive, emotionally reactive, and inappropriately empathetic.

Water – Inward expression = the power to Accept.

In its receptive expression, water governs the power to accept. Since waters’ natural expression is a free flow in any direction, the complementary, “reversed” aspect of water focuses more on the container of water than the water itself. The heart of ‘accepting’ is defining and honouring the boundaries. It is the power of the cup, the chalice, the cauldron that gives shape to water.

In practical terms, accepting is about grounding yourself in the circumstances of your body, your environment, family, friends, work, life, etc. It is fully knowing where you are right now and determining how to get to where you’d like to go. There is power in acknowledging the whole truth of your life, the pleasant and the unpleasant. How honestly can you assess your advantages and limitations? Although discomfort may be involved in such a prospect, accepting is a golden doorway of opportunity. It invites you to take effective action in your life that can lead to significant change.

Imbalance = we may appear rigid, hyper-alert, self-deprecating, demanding of boundaries, needy of high structure and order, or only able to relate to what can be defined.




 Earth – Outward expression = the power to be silent.

The power to be silent is the earth’s outwardly expressed, dynamic energy. The earth is, after all, a silent presence. Silence is an energy of stillness and rest. Through this energy the body, mind and spirit find a sense of opening, broadening, and deepening. The stillness of silence also represents the void. This void is, as the yogis of India called it, Shunyata, the original emptiness of all things. The energy of emptiness is also one of potential; the void is eternally ready to manifest as new forms – trees, birds, streets, people, in a sense then, emptiness is also fullness. The usually receptive energy of stillness is also the active energy of readiness, and of unlimited potential (how awesome is that?)

In its active expression, the element of earth rules material gain, wealth, prosperity, riches, work, service, strength, fortitude, honesty, practicality, pleasure, comfort, music, and art. Earthy people enjoy the simple pleasures of life such as good food, good sex and a nice place to live. They are grounded and practical in their approach to what some people consider to be complex issues.

Imbalance = we may appear rigid, stubborn, pessimistic, conventional, cruel, worrisome, inactive, possessive, stupid, slothful, greedy, or covetous.

Earth – Inward expression = the power to Resonate.

The element of earth governs the power to resonate in its inward, more passive expression. The power to resonate sounds vibrant and active, but resonance is the energy the EMERGES FROM SILENCE. Resonance represents the ‘interconnectedness’ of all reality. It is an energy that widens your perspective to understand that there is no division between you and anything else. The receptive energy of earth connects you to the undulating pulse of the universe, the spiritual vibrations that underlie all of existence. Sometimes, in moments of silence, we can naturally connect to this energy and we feel the pulse of life throbbing all around us and can experience the divine as it manifests in the world. When you tap into resonance, the darkness of earth renders itself luminous, weightless and effortless. When you strongly align with this power to resonate, spontaneity guides your actions; the energies of life itself guide you.

Imbalance = we may appear light headed, detached, disoriented, and out of touch with ones’ surroundings / reality.



Thank you to Cathrine Langwagen of cassiopeiaart for the beautiful and inspiring Elements artwork

Love & Light


Developing Intuition

I am very excited to share this page with you. I hope that what I share inspires you to continue on your journey inward.

The journey of self discovery and self-expression is so precious and I encourage you to make time for the ‘creative’ things that you enjoy doing. Make time to draw or write, sew or knit, cook or bake something that you love.

So often the mundane things in life get in the way and we don’t have as much time for the things that ‘feed our souls’.

It is in creating that we are most connected to the Divine Creator/Creatrix.

It is also the best time to really listen to our intuition, our inner voice if you will (The God/dess within) because when we are creating we are living in the moment, not in the past or the future, but firmly rooted in the now.

Love & Light